One of the most powerful lessons MiiWrap has taught us is this: lasting change happens when people feel guided, not directed. This truth holds whether we are working with families in crisis, coaching facilitators learning the model, or supervising staff in an agency. At every level, the instinct to tell people what to do—to direct, correct, and fix—undermines the very growth we hope to see. Guiding, on the other hand, creates space for people to discover their own strengths, motivations, and solutions. And when they own the path forward, real change takes root.

This is not just a philosophy for working with clients. It is the core of how we should also coach, train, and lead those who practice MiiWrap.

Why Guiding Matters

MiiWrap facilitation is built on engaging and motivating clients, strengthening their sense of competence, autonomy, and connection. If we believe MiiWrap is the most effective way to empower people, then we must also apply those same principles to the people carrying out the work. MiiWrap coaching mirrors MiiWrap facilitation. The same strategies that empower families also empower facilitators, and the same dynamics that help a young person discover hope also help a new staff member build mastery.

Some leaders push back at this idea. They argue, “Clients have choices, but facilitators must follow agency policies and uphold fidelity to MiiWrap. Isn’t that different?” It isn’t. Families in systems like child welfare or juvenile justice face real constraints too. They may not have chosen to be there, but they still make choices every day: whether to engage, resist, comply, or participate meaningfully. Facilitators are no different. They chose this work, and within that choice, our role is to create the conditions for them to succeed. The path to mastery cannot be forced, it must be guided.

The Pitfalls of Directing

Many of us entered coaching or supervision with the best of intentions, but also with the wrong instincts. We thought our role was to correct mistakes, explain the model, and make sure staff “got it right.” But directing rarely produces deep learning. Staff may nod and comply in the moment, but their engagement fades quickly. They may avoid coaching sessions, become defensive, or repeat the same errors despite repeated instruction. For the coach, this cycle becomes exhausting, creating frustration on both sides.

Directing comes from a place of wanting to help, but it inadvertently silences the very voices we need to hear. It makes learning about our expertise instead of their growth. And in doing so, it robs staff of the ownership and motivation they need to deliver high-fidelity MiiWrap.

The Guiding Shift

The breakthrough comes when we adopt the guiding mindset. Instead of teaching, we partner. Instead of correcting, we reflect. Instead of prescribing, we evoke. We use the same skills that facilitators use with families, reflective listening, open-ended questions, affirmations, and curiosity. In doing so, we model the MiiWrap process in real time.

Guiding does not mean lowering expectations. Fidelity still matters, outcomes still matter, and accountability still matters. What changes is how we get there. When a coach guides rather than directs, staff discover their own reasons for growth. They lean into their work not because they are told to, but because they believe in it. And that motivation endures.

Lessons From the Field

One coach shared her experience of making this shift. When she first stepped into coaching, she believed her job was to have the answers. She corrected mistakes, explained the model in detail, and solved problems quickly. But her staff weren’t improving. They complied in sessions but disengaged in practice.

Her turning point came when another coach asked, “What would happen if you listened a little longer before teaching?” She began experimenting with guiding—asking questions like, “What are you most proud of in your recent work?” or “What do you think worked well in that family meeting?” At first, it felt uncomfortable. But something remarkable happened: her staff started talking more. They reflected, explored, and set their own goals. Their ownership grew, and with it, their fidelity and confidence.

She later reflected, “The less I talked, the more they discovered. Coaching isn’t about giving answers. It’s about drawing them out.”

Beyond Coaching: A Principle for Leadership

This principle doesn’t stop at the facilitator–coach relationship. It applies at every level of leadership. Supervisors, administrators, and even executive directors can fall into the trap of directing—telling staff what to do, focusing on compliance, or stepping in to fix problems. But when leaders guide, they build cultures of learning, resilience, and mutual respect. Staff feel valued as contributors, not just workers. Innovation flourishes. Retention improves. And ultimately, client outcomes soar.

Guiding is not passive. It requires deep listening, mindfulness, empathy, and skillful use of data and feedback. Performance management still matters—but in guiding hands, feedback becomes FeedForward, a tool to affirm strengths, evoke insights, and co-create next steps. It is not about catching errors—it is about cultivating growth.

The Ripple Effect

Guiding over directing creates ripple effects. Facilitators who are coached with empathy and curiosity bring the same spirit to their work with families. Families who experience MiiWrap as collaborative and empowering carry that empowerment into their own communities. And staff who feel guided rather than managed become leaders who know how to guide others.

In the end, guiding is more than a coaching technique. It is a way of being. It is an act of trust—trust that within every staff member and every client lies the strength, wisdom, and capacity for change. Our role is not to impose, but to draw it out.

Closing Reflection

MiiWrap teaches us that people change when they feel supported, understood, and believed in. That is as true for staff as it is for families. As coaches and leaders, we face a choice: Will we direct, correct, and control? Or will we guide, evoke, and partner?

When we choose guiding, everything shifts. Staff become more engaged. Families feel more empowered. Agencies see better outcomes. And most importantly, the human dignity at the heart of MiiWrap shines through at every level of our work.

Guiding over directing is not just good practice, it is the foundation of transformation.